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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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Then, outta nowhere, the power goes out. Classic Sholakkorgan, right? I’m sitting there in the dark, and all I can think is, “Great, now I can’t even see my own frustration.” I pull out my phone, and it’s like a mini disco with the flashlight on. My coworkers are laughing, and I’m just trying to keep it together.

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